


Crossover Fic: Locked Up (Firefly/Doctor Who)

by Goldy



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Firefly
Genre: Crack, Crossover, F/M, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-17
Updated: 2008-01-17
Packaged: 2017-12-21 02:03:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/894511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldy/pseuds/Goldy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two fandoms. One jail cell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crossover Fic: Locked Up (Firefly/Doctor Who)

**Title** : Locked Up  
 **Fandoms** : Doctor Who/Firefly  
 **Keywords** : Rose, Tenth Doctor, Ten/Rose, Mal, Inara, Mal/Inara  
 **Summary** : Two fandoms. One jail cell.  
 **Spoilers** : None. Maybe vague references to S3?  
 **Word Count** : 2, 192

The Doctor paces restlessly around the cell. He taps at the ventilation shaft with the sonic screwdriver and then puts on his glasses to study the bars. He leans forward— _oh, god, he’s going to lick it_ , Rose thinks—but he sniffs experimentally and pulls back, frowning. Not a good sign.

Rose turns her gaze on the other two people in the room, a man and a woman. They’re bickering in sharp, harried voices.

“Mal, you _know_ I have an appointment this afternoon. I told you so. I told you _five times_.”

“Inara, jail wasn’t exactly high up on the plan.”

“You said you had all the codes, that you just needed someone to hold the door open!”

“ _Duìbùqî_ … are you implyin’ that I planned this? Why would I…?” He stops that line of thought and instead says, “You said you wanted to help out on the job. You know as well as any that it don’t always go according to the plan.”

Rose notices that they’re standing awfully close together for an argument. She’s even sure that Mal’s tried to sniff her hair. Typical.

Inara’s expression falters and she presses her lips together. She’s really beautiful, Rose notices, with long dark hair and perfect curves. Rose glances down at her stomach, suddenly feeling all round and squishy.

“How long until the rest of the crew can get us back?”

“Depends,” Mal says. “We don’t have the coin for bail, do we?” He swallows and then adds, “Inara, I wasn’t lying earlier. It was going smooth ‘till them two showed up in that blue box and set off all the sensors.” He jerks his head in the Doctor’s direction.

The Doctor looks up from the bars, evidently deciding it’s as good a time as any to introduce himself.

“Hello!” He gives a wave. “I’m the Doctor and that’s Rose. And I’m sorry about that. If it helps, I wasn’t aiming for you. I was _trying_ for the New Delphi Quandrant. Lovely planet. Nice purple sky.”

Mal stares at him. “You weren’t after the artifact?”

“Nope,” says the Doctor. “I’m not… big on crime. It was just an honest mistake.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I’ve never heard that one before. Just accidentally stumbled into a highly secured vault, did you?” He points a finger at the Doctor. “It ain’t nothing to me if you two get the fall for this one.”

The Doctor glances down at Mal’s finger. “Well, I _was_ going to offer to help you find a way out. Never mind, then.”

A familiar and uncomfortable feeling begins to press against Rose’s groin. Trying not to sound panicky, she says, “Um, Doctor?”

He’s at her side in an instant. “What? What’s wrong?” He puts one hand on her shoulder and bends down to examine her stomach with the sonic screwdriver.

“I… uh, I need to pee.”

The sonic screwdriver snaps off and he glances up at her, trying to hold back irritation and not doing a very good job. “You went before we left the TARDIS!”

“I know that!” she hisses. “It’s not like I can _control_ it. You try and have this thing grow inside you for six months and then tell me how you like it!”

He blinks at her. “Hormones,” he mumbles. He turns to their companions and says, “We’re pregnant!”

“I… uh, gathered that,” Mal says.

“Congratulations?” Inara offers.

“It has a double heartbeat,” the Doctor continues. “We’re nearly certain that means it’s Time Lord. Superior genes and all that.”

“It could just mean we’re having twins,” Rose mumbles.

Their cellmates blink in confusion, but Mal only says, “You brought your unborn child with you on a heist?”

“ _No_ ,” the Doctor snaps irritably. “I told you, we were headed for New Delphi. Quiet place, New Delphi.”

“We wanted to buy some nappies,” Rose adds. “The Doctor doesn’t really like the plain old Earth kind.”

“The ones on New Delphi clean themselves, Rose. And they come in purple. They’re big on purple in New Delphi.”

Mal leans closer to Inara. He drops his voice, but Rose can still hear every word. “Well, we’re sharing a jail cell with the _crazy_ people. How about that? Still reckon this is my fault?”

“If they said it was an accident…” Inara begins. “And she _is_ pregnant.”

“That is not… they’re still crazy!”

 _Great_ , Rose thinks. And she used to take pride in being slightly less mad than the Doctor. She moves closer to him, bouncing up and down as the pressure increases. “Doctor…”

He focuses back on her, looking upset that _she’s_ upset, which makes _her_ upset that he’s upset. Oh, she hates circular logic.

He grabs her hand and squeezes her fingers. “Think about something else. Oh, I know! What about ‘Ruth?’”

Rose wrinkles her nose. “Do you want our baby to hate you?”

“Ruth is a perfectly good name,” the Doctor mumbles. She watches his eyes dart around the cell, studying every nook and cranny, seeking out any weakness. Usually she’d be throwing ideas at him, but mostly all she can think about is how much she needs to _pee_.

Right. Think about baby names. “What about someone we know? That’s traditional, yeah?”

“Doctor Junior!”

Rose feels one of her eyebrows twitch. “No!”

He sounds wounded. “What’s wrong with my name?”

Rose pats his arm. “It’s… a lovely name, but I’m not sure the universe can handle more than one of you.”

He looks reassured. “Eta?’”

“What?”

“Traditional Time Lord name,” he explains. He finishes studying the cell and focuses back on her. “Looks like the ventilation shaft is the only way out.”

Rose bites her lip. “There’s no way I’m gonna fit.” She tries to smile for him. “You go on, though. So long as you get the psychic paper back, we’ll be all set.”

The Doctor’s gaze darkens. “No. We’ll find another way.”

“Doctor—”

“I am not leaving you.”

His fingers tighten against hers and Rose holds back a sigh. She could push him, but what would be the point? One day, she knows she’ll have to make him tell her what happened while she was gone. But it still feels like it’s too soon, like things are still too fragile. It still feels like she might wake up and find herself back on her parallel earth.

“We’re not naming our baby ‘Eta,’” she says instead. “What about ‘Mickey?’”

The Doctor looks appalled. “You are kidding, aren’t you?”

“You know…” calls a voice from the other end of the cell. “Malcolm’s a good name.”

The Doctor and Rose glance over.

Mal rubs at his chin and then shrugs. “I’m just saying.”

Inara snorts and rolls her eyes at the ceiling, muttering under her breath.

The Doctor looks like he isn’t quite sure how to respond. Rose crosses her legs and shoots him a plaintive look, suddenly passed caring _what_ they name the baby, so long as it doesn’t kill her first.

The Doctor studies her. “Hold on, I’ve got an idea.” He turns the sonic screwdriver on her stomach and then lower, making a strange hum of approval.

Suddenly feeling _very_ uncomfortable about where the sonic screwdriver is heading, Rose clears her throat. Loudly.

The Doctor looks up and flicks off the sonic screwdriver. “I added some new settings after you got pregnant. How’s it feel now?”

Rose blinks. “Better,” she admits grudgingly. “A little bit.”

The Doctor looks proud of himself. “Still, time we got out of here, eh?”

Rose nods and then, still feeling slightly on the miserable side, cuddles up to the Doctor’s side. She rests her chin on his shoulder and his other arm encircles her waist, holding her in a half-hug.

“Oh, hello,” he says. He bends down and sniffs her neck. “Heart rate’s a bit accelerated, but not too far above normal. That’s bound to be expected, though, isn’t it? Jail and all that. Still! Better than when we were chased off Yangyan last week by the Xixiofooma. Or was it Xangxan and the Yiyiofooma? I can never remember with that lot.”

Rose frowns. He’s supposed to warn her before using his freaky Time Lord powers. “Martha said a moderate amount of exercise was healthy.” Her eyes glance at the bars and then widen. She pulls away and stares at the Doctor.

He blinks. “What?”

She tilts her head in the direction of the cells doors. Where a lock is hanging by a chain. A lock that the sonic screwdriver should—barring any sort of unexpected alien technology—easily unlock.

Rose raises her eyebrows as the realization dawns in his eyes.

“Ah,” he says, after a pause. “Well, it’s not a very _big_ lock, is it?”

She can’t help her grin and the Doctor bounds over to unlock it, waving his hand at their cellmates. “Just… um, testing the bacterial compounds in the air. You can never be sure in a place like this.”

Clearly not fooled, Mal and Inara move forward, but the lock pops open and the Doctor drags Rose through, slamming the doors shut again behind them. Mal and Inara skid to a halt on the other side, both of them looking very surprised.

“How did you…?” Mal’s eyes land on the sonic screwdriver. “It’s that blue stick thingie!”

The Doctor shoves the sonic screwdriver into his pocket and then says innocently, “What blue stick thing?”

“The one… the one you were just—” Giving up, Mal narrows his eyes and says, “Listen, son, we’re honest folk just doin’ what we can to scrape by out here in the black. Don’t got much to offer you, but you’re welcome to anything on Serenity.” He pauses. “Not the ship, though. That ain’t up for debate. People never seem to get that.”

“I don’t want your ship! Or anything else!” the Doctor says. He releases a breath and considers it, obviously torn. “Oh, I dunno. I don’t usually set criminals free.”

“Maybe they’re good criminals?” Rose says. “You know, like Robin Hood and Lady Marion. Also, I still have to pee.”

Mal turns to Inara. “Who’s Robin Hood?” he mouths.

She shushes him. “Mal’s right. We’re not bad people. And I of all people never thought I’d…” Inara trails off and then forces a smile. “You do what you need to out on the rim.”

“The man who owned that artifact wouldn’t’a noticed its absence. Not for days. That is, if you two hadn’t showed up,” Mal adds.

The Doctor heaves a sigh. “Oh, all right. Just… just don’t make me regret this.” He releases the lock.

They stand frozen for a second, perhaps not realizing he’d really gone and done it, but then they shoot out of the cell.

“Appreciate it,” Mal says.

“Thank you,” Inara says. “Both of you. If you need anything—”

“A toilet?” Rose breaks in hopefully.

Mal and Inara glance at each other. “The shuttle is close by,” Inara says.

Mal looks like he might argue, but then he shrugs and says, “No… funny stuff, _dong ma_? No crying, no making me feel sorry for you, and no leaving us stranded in the desert. And keep that blue stick in your pocket!”

The Doctor makes a face and Rose bites her lip to keep from laughing.

“Now,” Mal says. “Best we get out of here _before_ the Alliance’s finest show up.”

He and Inara move down the corridor. The Doctor grasps Rose’s hand and they follow behind them.

He looks worried. “We’re going to have to find the TARDIS.”

“I know.”

“It could be anywhere, Rose. It could be in some storage closet somewhere or a scrap heap or exactly where we left it.”

“It’s all right, Doctor. We’ll track it down.”

His voice drops. “I shouldn’t be putting you through this.”

“The universe doesn’t just stop ‘cause I’m pregnant, yeah? And I’m not going to go and sit quietly in my room, so it is what it is. We’ll get the TARDIS back.”

She wants to say more, but Mal and Inara have started bickering again.

“Mal, we are not taking the time to go back for your gun.”

“What? I need that!”

“I have an appointment!”

“Well, maybe the Doctor can use that blue stick of his to get us in and out of security. It won’t hardly take any time at all, Inara.”

The Doctor scoffs. “Oh, I will not! And Rose needs a toilet!”

Rose squeezes his fingers in thanks. Mal grumbles but sets off again.

“Tea,” Rose says, catching the Doctor’s eyes. “That’s what we need. Right after we get the TARDIS back. And maybe a kip.”

The Doctor looks buoyed by the promise of tea and a nap. “Right, then, Rose Tyler. We’ll get the TARDIS back. Then we’ll have a nice cup of tea. And off we go to New Delphi. We still have those nappies to buy. And only three months left to buy them in—relatively speaking, that is. But first, to the loos!”

Rose beams. Finally, some good news.

“To the loos!”


End file.
